argh..i accidently deleted the entry i was going to publish.  but anyways...i feel so distant from everyone.  i don't want people to see the real me.   i'm such a control-freak.  i want them to see that i'm alright but i'm not. 

why can't i move 2,000 miles away from here and meet a guy who will make my heart flutter?  i want to forget about him so badly but i can't get away.  this sucks so much.  i have to go now. 

"emotional rollercoaster" - vivian green

I'm on an emotional rollercoaster,
Loving you ain't nothing healthy,
Loving you was never good for me,
But I can't get off

Yesterday I told myself I was gonna be okay,
Gonna start a new day be truly happy,
I was gonna take control of me.
But eventually, reality hit me,
Mentally, physicaly, emotionally,
And I opened my eyes and realized
That I was still being taken for a constant ride.

this song is so cool.  it has a piano-based R&B feel and i love it. i've always liked this song.  don't remember when it came out but when i first heard it, i was thinking, "wow, that sure reminds me of myself."  mostly about guys and doing things i want to try to put a stop to.

i can't stop thinking about this
i'm worrying too much
why doesn't it come easy?
i want to feel the way i used to
innocence would run through me
it's not real anymore
scarred forever
this broken heart might never heal again

i just wrote that...don't know why but i did.  but really, i wish i could go back to the place where nothing really bothered me. i would have to go WAY back..like when i was 5 or something.  my life was good back then.  my life right now is good but i have too many things on my mind and it blurs my emotions.  well, i better split.  2 more days until the prom!  very excited, as you could read in the last entry. 

talk to you later

-mel

today was aight.  talked to erica at church.  she makes me laugh all the time. i told her about my dress..she was surprised that i was going the "strapless route".  i'm a bit surprised myself.    oh..i talked with sarah and she asked me if i wanted to babysit joshua *josh* and elizabeth *lizzie* sometime.  i was elated to hear that and i said sure, of course.  i love those two.  yupp..i've always wanted to babysit them and i was gonna ask her about it but never got a chance to.  i can't wait!!! 

walked away today from church thinking this - i think too much.    yeah, i'm a worrywart and ticked off by it.

ok will write a little later..ciao

hey.   got a comment from alicia.  she's so nice.  she said that working at the library should be fun for me.  her best friend works at one and he loves it so if he digs it, i think i should too.

umm..so my prom outfit is set.  with what i'm wearing, i'll be a like Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly.  hehe.  i love 'em.  they're so classy and when they dress up, they're gorgeous.  i think i know why i'm all excited about this...Cinderella.  *if you didn't know, that's my all-time favorite movie EVER*.  i guess i always imagined that i could be like her; not that i was treated badly by any family members or anything, but the transformation from being plain to beautiful strikes a chord.   i just love it!  i can hear the songs now.  i think i'll watch it sometime before Thursday.  that would be great. 

well gotta go.  bye!  (i'll write more later)

-mel